Wondering

I wonder if I were to quit blogging about autism, if I'd have anything to say? I wonder if I blogged about my sad, little, lonely life would anyone want to read that? Probably not. Although I love the people who can blog about being a mom, easy meal preparation, fancy photography, home decorating and thrifty shopping techniques....I just don't think that I am that kind of blogger. Afterall, I am not just any Lisa and not just any blogger and this is not just any blog, right?

What if I blogged about something entirely new and different? Is blogging still popular or is it losing it's edge? With the millions upon millions of blogs out there, is my blog even significant? Should I stop blogging altogether? Do I have anything interesting enough to share anymore?

These are all the questions that I think of whenever I click my saved link that leads me to my blog. Everytime I go to update it, I keep thinking that this blog has served it purpose and there is nothing left to give my followers. Maybe I have just outgrown it? Maybe there is just nothing left to say about autism that hasn't already been said by thousands of other people blogging about the exact same thing!
Unfortunately, autism is main stream now. It's everywhere you look. Some one has a sad story about the atrocities of autism and how it stole their loved one away from them. That's the bitch about this whole thing. It's just another day in paradise for those of us struggling with our 1 in 150 kids. That's a helluva lot of kids. So there are now a helluva lot of people out there with the same damn, tired old story that I have. Telling my story of autism is kinda like beating a dead horse.

SO...unless I can come up with some reason to keep this blog going, I think I am just going to give it up. I have chronicled our journey online for the past 5 yrs. Maybe it's time for me to step down off my soap box and hand the mike over to some other mom who has a child that has recently been diagnosed....let her tell you her story? I don't know...just sorta thinking out loud here. If you should happen to read this post, please leave a comment and gimme your thoughts!

Let's reflect for a minute

You know, when I'm stuck and not sure which way to go, I always like to reflect on the past to see exactly how far I have come and see if that helps push me a little further down the road. Reflecting on the past is to think, ponder, or meditate on life's events that lead up to the here and now. It keeps you grounded and humble and let's you see how life always has a way of working itself out for the best.

I was thinking yesterday about Ivy and how far she has come since being diagnosed at age three with autism. I remember that day clearly, like it was yesterday. The lady said to me, "well yeah Ivy is on the autism spectrum and there is no cure for autism and here is some paperwork about autism you might wanna read, any questions?" She plopped a whole pile of paperwork in my hands and I walked out the door just numb. I wasn't sure I was going to make it across the parking lot to my car without buckling under. I remember talking to God as soon as I got in my car and saying, "please show me what to do".

The very next morning, I got on Google and typed in the words "cure for autism"...the first thing that came up was info on THE GFCF Diet and how people were bringing their kids out of autism by doing this diet. I was hopeful that this was my answer. That morning I sat and read for hours about how I could help my daughter. It was the beginning to my road map to recovery. I knew I had to save her no matter the cost. I would stop at nothing to get her better. I would leave no stones unturned. I would try everything there was to try and start from scratch if need be. I only had a small window of opportunity to pull her out of it and I was in a race against time.

Reflecting back, I was truly a mad woman. I was obsessed and addicted to healing her. It cost me a lot in the end. I am completely broke and don't have a dime to my name, I lost friendships over it, lost family connections, and even my marriage didn't survive it. But would I change a thing about the journey? HELL NO! I would do exactly the same thing all over again if it meant saving my kid. I don't regret a single moment of the hell we've lived for the last five years. Because it was all worth it to see her beautiful face light up when you walk into the room and it's worth it when she masters something new each day. It's worth it when I see her forming friendships and maturing more each year. It's worth it when I see her excel in school and become one of the top students in her class. It's worth it when I see her playing with her sister without screaming and throwing a tantrum. It's all worth it.
So no regrets here, only gratitude today.