So we got a little snow....

Finally! Now I am no fan of winter. Let me repeat that: I HATE WINTER!!

But if it's going to be cold and miserable outside, then we should at least have something pretty to look at right? Up until last Tuesday, we have only had 6" total all winter. Well, not anymore. In 24 hours we had about 12" DUMPED on us. Three "no school days" later and we are just now digging our way out and back into the world.

I don't mind "no school days"....because I work at a school, so if we have a snow day, I am off work too.

Here are a couple of snow pics for your enjoyment:

Breath

I have been nearly out of my mind the past month. I am stir crazy and this snow outside is bringing me down. I am thinking of warmer climates and getting away for awhile so I can breathe. I need a breath of fresh air and a change of scenery. Thinking of going home to my mom's for a visit and breathing in some of that wonderful ocean air. Always clears my head and going home always grounds me and gives me a certain peace of mind that I can't find anywhere else on earth. Nothing like Moms house, huh?

Speaking of breath, that reminds me of my favorite song by Breaking Benjamin.

"Breath"

I see nothing in your eyes, and the more I see the less I like.
Is it over yet, in my head?
I know nothing of your kind, and I won't reveal your evil mind.
Is it over yet? I can't win.

So sacrifice yourself, and let me have what's left.
I know that I can find the fire in your eyes.
I'm going all the way, get away, please.

You take the breath right out of me.
You left a hole where my heart should be.
You got to fight just to make it through,
'cause I will be the death of you.

This will be all over soon.
Pour salt into the open wound.

Is it over yet? Let me in.

So sacrifice yourself, and let me have what's left.
I know that I can find the fire in your eyes.
I'm going all the way, get away, please.

You take the breath right out of me.
You left a hole where my heart should be.
You got to fight just to make it through,
'cause I will be the death of you.

I'm waiting, I'm praying, realize, start hating.

You take the breath right out of me.
You left a hole where my heart should be.
You got to fight just to make it through,
'cause I will be the death of you.

If the truth hurts....

I have to admit that I feel anxious when I don't come here and write. I get all this extra pent-up anxiety when I can't release the stresses of the day. I'm a spiller. Always have been and unfortunately, I will most likely always be a spiller. I can't keep anything inside. It gets uncomfortable and I have to get it out.

Recently, I was in a position where I had to spill some information about someone I love to others. It was in this persons best interest, I promise. She is a beautiful individual, she radiates light into those around her. I have known her since the day she was born and I love her like my own family. I couldn't sit by and NOT say something. As a result, I think feelings were hurt and I feel like I am the bad guy. How did that happen? I think that at some times, we should just keep our thoughts to ourselves and let people find things out for themselves. Maybe I am TOO honest. Maybe I should stay out of other people's business. Normally I do. But this time, I felt compelled to say something and it's caused some upset and pain to someone I care about.

I have been on both side's of this fence. I knew information about someone once before and I didn't spill it right away. I thought on it overnight and how to best approach it, I did the dance with the "should I and shouldn't I's". So, this time, I thought spilling was the right thing. I spilled it immediately. I guess either way, you are screwed. You withhold, you're screwed. You tell, you're screwed. Life is so unfair sometimes. I know in my heart that this came from the right place. My question is: when is it right and when is it wrong? When do you tell the truth and when do you withhold? How do you know when the truth is too much? How do you keep a sock in your mouth and NOT say something?

I will learn from this experience. I guess from now on, it really is best to withhold initially and maybe even pray about the right thing to do. I guess projecting ourselves unnecessarily into other people's business is the wrong thing to do. I won't make this mistake again. The thing is, that normally, I don't do this. I have kept far out of everyone's lives I am close to for a very long time now. I have almost mastered it, until this latest slip. I guess this a perfect reminder of why I keep out in the first place.

Oh and by the way.....it's good to be back. I have written almost FOUR chapters on my book. I have been productive since my last post.

A lot going on....

There is a LOT going on in notjustanylisa land. I am not ready to share. I won't be posting for awhile until I get my head together. Don't worry, I will be back and be posting up a storm before you know it. I just need a much needed rest and that includes my time spent on the computer. I just need to put a few things into perspective and get my priorities straight. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers while I sort through my life right now.

Love and thanks.

There is a BUZZ in the air

I feel almost electric today. I am not sure what the deal is, but I can hardly sit still or contain myself. It's just another ordinary day in my life. I am doing the same thing today that I do every day. I have had moments of clarity like this before. I can feel another shift taking place. It's like some kind of gravitational pull is tugging me to move forward into an unknown destination. This time I feel the move will be a good move. I need to move on from the last low period and push forward to a new beginning.

I was reading another blog about New Year's resolutions and I felt just like the blogger in that I feel New Years resolutions seem really cliche' and no one ever follows through on them....but there is something to the thought of starting out fresh again in January. Something to be said of attempting to start anew. I read yesterday that January comes from the Latin word Janua, which means "doorway". January is the year’s doorway, an entrance, into a bright new beginning. I couldn't agree more. There is something to be said of starting out new each year with peace and hope in our hearts.

I decided that rather than make a New Year's resolution this year, I would make a vision board for my life. I filled it will all the things that I dream of and hope for. It felt good doing the project and I love the finished project. I am anxious to see what all you readers are doing for the New Year. Post you NY's resolutions here.

Mine are:

1) Get even more organized- this was on my list last year and I have made leaps and bounds with this area of my life and I am proud of it.

2) Spend one night a week with the electronics turned off and use it to be together as a family, like playing board games and such.

3) Quit cursing....embarrassed to admit that I cuss like a sailor when no one is around. But I know the big fella upstairs can hear me, so I'd like to refrain from foul language if I can, LOL!!

4) Work on my book, 1 chapter a month.

5) Save enough money to go to Germany next year.

So, go ahead and post below and tell me what you have on your list for 2009. Inquiring minds wanna know....

I have found Christmas!

When I last posted, I was off on a journey to find Christmas because Christmas hadn't come to me yet. Last night after dinner with some girlfriends, I was thinking about the fact that I had *found* Christmas. Well, to be honest, I hadn't really *found* it at all, what I did find was that Christmas was with me all along already. :)

Then this morning I received the nicest email ever from an old school mate and neighbor of mine (yes Ken, I am outing you). It just reiterated to me that I indeed had Christmas with me all along. Thanks so much for your too kind words Ken. You'll never know when you might find yourself posted right smack dab in the middle of my blog!

So this is where I found Christmas this week. I saw it in my children's faces as they sang with joy at the annual Christmas play. I saw it in my friend Susan who sends me daily emails of encouragement and tells me how much she enjoys my journey. I saw it in my friend Beth who had a jeans day fundraiser in her office this month and donated the money to us so my girls could have Christmas- you are the best, I swear. I saw it in my mom who is always there to bail me out when I need her. I saw it in my brother who provided Ed with a side job that will more than make up for him not working the past 4 weeks. I saw it in the tender heart of my niece Alexis, who just needs someone she can rely on every day, day in and day out. I saw it in my good friends Carol and Kelly who I had dinner with last night and it reminds me that they have stood by me in good times and bad and they never judge me. I saw it in my online friends who constantly support and love me and probably know me better than my *in real life* friends because I tell them things I am too embarrassed to admit to my real friends. I saw it in my husband who despite the fact that we struggle so much, does everything he does just to please me and to extract a smile from my face or a loving acknowledgment that I see what he is doing. I saw it in our good friends the Livingston's, who set the standard for our family, in that they are a true living example of what a Christian family should be. When I grow up, I wanna be just like you guys!

So, the Christmas Spirit is with me already in all the people that I encounter every day. It's in my new friends and old friends and even in total strangers that come across this blog. If we look deep enough inside ourselves, I think we all find that the true Spirit of Christmas lies within us all....the question is, do we recognize it? Some will and some won't...and them some of us need that pointed out to us (wink, wink).

I'm not really feelin' Christmas

You heard me right....just not feelin' it. I LOVE Christmas. It's my most favorite time of the year. Maybe it's the sinking economy, maybe I am depressed, but I am just having the hardest time getting into the Christmas spirit.

Just yesterday, I FINALLY got my tree put up and the house decorated. I can't believe how long it took me to reluctantly drag this stuff out of the attic and get it done. Now that it's up and everything is looking all festive, I am still not feeling it. It looks pretty and sparkly on the outside, but I am not feelin' it on the inside.

I also admit, that I have not bought one single thing for Christmas this year. I am finding it hard to spend money when there are bills to be paid and Ed hasn't worked in 3 weeks due to the unseasonably cold and early winter we have had dumped in our laps. Every day, I watch the news and all I hear is that everywhere, everyone is afraid to spend their money with the economy in the crapper like it is. Well, I secretly confess, I am one of those people.

So, this week, I am off on a personal journey to find the meaning of Christmas in my heart. If Christmas isn't coming to me, then I am going to have to go find Christmas and bring it home. I have a strange feeling that I won't have to look very far. I promise to report back to you and let you know of my findings.