Thursday, December 15, 2011

WANTED!! My Life BEFORE Autism

Whew! I just had another ephiphany. I was sorting through old pictures of my girls while working on a Christmas project when an overwhelming wave of emotion just knocked me over. I mean the kind of emotion where you instantly start crying your eyes out. I just realized how much I miss my old life. I know I left it right here somewhere, but I can't seem to find it anywhere. I miss my kids being little. I miss the laugher and giggles. I miss the rhythm of our daily routines. I miss my old happy home. I miss what used to be our family. There I said it...AND out loud too. I miss it. I miss it real bad.

I just asked for God's forgiveness the other day on this whole issue, so I should have known this was coming. All it needed was for someone to pull the trigger. The pictures...all of them from birth to present was all it took to kick it off. I got to the pictures from Washington DC when we went there to fight for what we believed in on autism and those are the ones that opened the flood gates. DAMN YOU AUTISM!!! Is there ANYTHING at all you haven't taken from me? She was diagnosed in April of 2004. Fast forward to December 2011. It's been almost 8 years since I first heard your name: autism, autism....AUTISM!! After 8 years of battling you, I am tired, worn out, aged 10 years faster then I should have and I have lost my marriage, lost my family, lost my self-worth, everything to you. I hate you. Nuff said.