Monday, June 11, 2012

Gone Too Long

With all good intentions, I do try to keep my blog updated. But I have failed miserably. Life has a way of sucking the wind out of your sails I suppose. All the things that I once felt passionate about, have lost their sparkle to me to be quite honest. I just don't feel like I have anything worth saying or sharing these days that is worth any value to anyone. What I really need to do, is take a long, sad look at myself in the mirror, turn myself around and then give myself a swift kick in the bootie. The reason I have lost my spark of creativity is because I am living a lie. I don't have anything to offer because I am not worthy to give anyone advice on any subject anymore. All I have managed to do is screw my life up and most likely permanently damaged my girls lives in the process. How, oh how, did I get so far astray from the life plan I once had for myself some three years ago?

To be honest, I am just plain exhausted. I am not comfortable in my own skin AT ALL. I don't know how much longer I can keep walking down this path I am on. I can't seem to find God in any of this mess and I keep praying for an answer or to understand the life lesson here....and I get nothing. So, I just keep hanging on. Keep thinking things will get better, keep thinking, things will change soon. God help me. These are dark days for me. I do not enjoy life as it is for me right now. Life is better when you are laughing. There is no laughter in my life.  :-(