Friday, October 31, 2008

Jade puts things into perspective for me...

Yeah, a NINE year old had to bring me to my knees today. Earlier, I posted an angry post about some social snobs I know. I decided to delete it after Jade made a simple statement to me that brought me to my knees. It made me so proud of her at that very moment, I wanted to cry. So when I think I am the worst mom in the world some days, I can know that I must be doing something right. My nine year old just put into perspective for me something I couldn't.

I was ranting about certain people from our little school and how they look down on people like "us" because we are different compared to them. I made the choice to send my kids to a private school and they sometimes suffer for that. We have placed them amongst some very well off families. Some of those families are as nice and down to earth as you could ever want. We have met some really wonderful, loving people there. Some of them however, want you to KNOW just how much money they have and they want you to KNOW that you are less then they are. They want you to KNOW that you don't belong among them.

So, I am sitting here talking with Jade and asked her what she thought about pulling out of our little private school and attending public school next year. And then we talked about why she never has play dates and invites and this is what she said to me:

"Mom, I would die if you take me out of that school. I love that school and I love the teachers and I love that I get to learn about God there. I can't do that in public schools...and Mom, who cares if I don't have play dates and invites? It really doesn't matter to me anyway. If they don't like me then, oh well."

That's right Jade. You got it right baby. You go girl!!!

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

An Idea is Born.....

When we were getting prepared to travel to Washington DC for the Green Our Vaccines Rally, we were asking ourselves, how would we get there and many people pitched in and got us there. It's amazing to see God work through others to do what we couldn't do for ourselves.

That is when the idea of a fundraiser was born. We have a fundraiser in the works for Ivy. The proceeds will go DIRECTLY towards some new and promising treatments that are now available. I am no longer going to dwell on the fact that we could have built and paid for an entire house and probably a couple of cars as well with the money we have used to recover her. When I wonder why I am still living in my dump of a house and why I am still driving a van from 1997, I only have to look as far as Ivy's bedroom door to know that it was all worth it to save her. The problem we face now, is that we are just plain tired and can hardly keep afloat. We are now going to put our Trust in God that He is going to provide us with the funds to keep getting Ivy better. One day we can look back and say she USED to have autism, but she is now HEALED from it.

So, we are working on the fundraiser and leaping in faith that this will provide enough to get us started on the homeopathy and some other new treatments like HBOT. I will keep you informed on the progress. For right now, I can tell you there will be lots of music involved. Some of our friends that play in bands have stepped forward to play for free and there will most likely be food involved and you will buy a ticket to get in and there will be raffles and 50/50 tickets to be sold as well.

Now all I have to do is get some cool prizes for the raffle donated and work out the food details and we are in business. The event will be held sometimes in January '09. Wish us luck!!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

T is for.........

TIME: this is something I never seem to have enough of. I mean literally...after the diagnosis of autism, time became a precious commodity in my life. I never, ever have enough TIME. Autism is a robber of TIME. Somedays, I just wish I could hang out with Jade and give her my full, 100% undivided attention and not feel guilty that someone else is not getting a piece of me too. But that NEVER happens when you have lost your TIME.

THANKFULNESS: I am so thankful for the friends and family that continue to rally around us even when we are so obviously failing you as a son, daughter, sister, brother, aunt, uncle or friend. Please know that we always have you all in our hearts and it's your love that carries us through one more day when we are at our worst and want to totally give up.

THERAPY: All families that have kids with an autism diagnosis should be offered FREE therapy. I have never been a therapy kind of person. But man, could I ever use some about right now. I am pretty much at the end of my rope most days and my marriage is failing miserably as well. I just read that the divorce rates in autism families is 8out of 10 ending in divorce. That's is pretty darn high and I completely understand where that number comes from. Sometimes I feel like adding to the number to make it 9out of ten.

TREATMENTS: There are so many new and promising TREATMENTS out there to treat ASD kids....problem is, no one can afford them unless they mortgage off their homes, cash in their 401K's, sell their kidney on eBay or beg, borrow and steal in order to pay for it. I have no money left to pay for anything. I worry that Ivy's window of opportunity is slowly closing and this is as good as it gets for her. How do I convince the window to stay open a little longer for me until I figure something out? I imagine me talking to the window like this "Hello, window? It's me Lisa. Please stay open long enough for me to figure out how to handle this money crisis, ok?"

TEACHING: Every day I am alive and lucky enough to be Ivy's mom, I learn something new from her. She is a TEACHER. She is TEACHING me patience, tolerance and unconditional love. She is TEACHING me to love myself even when I can't or don't want to. She is TEACHING the world that our Earth has become toxic and we are getting sick as a people and we need to clean our planet up and remove the toxins so our kids can become healthy once again. She is TEACHING her peers to have empathy and tolerance for special needs kids. She is TEACHING her sister that even though she is hard to love, its ok to love her from afar, and Jade does a wonderful job at that.

THE END: I have decided to end the autism alphabet early. I no longer want to focus on the negative aspects of autism which is what the autism alphabet has allowed me to do. It was therapeutic and good while it lasted, but I only want to focus on the positive from here on out.