Saturday, May 31, 2008

A quick addition for today 5/31/08

Ok, this is H U G E !!!!!!

I just received this email regarding the Rally. SO many people have registered to attend in the past five days that they have had to change the line-up location. We are now going to be marching straight down Independence. The original plan would have ONLY allowed for us to walk on sidewalks. Now we will be walking down Independence, one of 2 main roads in DC.

The police rarely block off streets for a we feel pretty lucky here. It is because of all of us (families that want to see a change) that this has happened....BIG numbers is what got us the ability to walk down the streets.

This is huge! Very few Americans can say that they marched the streets of DC to demonstrate. This will have the "look" of a huge Civil Rights March or million man march. Way better though as this is going to make a huge, HUGE statement.

Please be with us in thought and prayer from now until next Wednesday. :)

My friend just showed up with the signs he made for us. They are so good, I cried after he left. Thanks to my long-time friend Dave, you did awesome work dude! Here is what they look like. The first two are mine and Ed's and the third one he made is actually square like ours for Jade. Then he made one for Ivy that is the same as Jade's only hers reads, "I AM 1 in 150".

FOUR Days until DC!!! And the Rain came down...

Ok,you will never guess where I am blogging from at this very moment? Wanna take a stab? Ah, you'd never guess in a million years, so I'll just spill it. I am sitting in Jade and Ivy's tree house stealing a neighbors bandwith...hee...hee. Last night I was literally hitting the submit button right after I had saved my blog when the power shut off. We had one of the worst storms I can remember in years last night. Tornado touch downs all over Central Indiana that have left this beautiful morning after in a wave of destruction. I was pretty skeered last night.

My children were spending the night with a good friend last night and they have a nice basement, so I felt safe for them, but at the same time, I just wanted my kids with me so that I could feel safe myself. I really DO NOT like tornado's and they scare me a whole lot. Last night as I was hugging a pillow on the bathroom floor listening to the train of wind shaking my home, and hearing the thunder booming and watching the lightening crash, I was saying to God, "please don't let me have come this far to lose everything we have in an instant". OK, maybe a bit theatrical now that I think back on it this morning, but last night, I was very scared and nervous.

My in-laws home did not fare well last night. They lost their horse barn along with some horses. One poor horse was found stuck up in a tree. The horses are their living. They train and race thoroughbreds. My husband is out at their farm trying to help them salvage something. Their horse trailer was picked and then dumped on top of the heap that once home to many horses and the girls' pony. It's going to take a lot to clean up this mess. The girls just told me about the newest batch of baby kittens born in the barn and they all died last night in the storm. I don't have the heart to tell them that yet.

Back to the reason I am up in the tree house. Today, we have no cable, thus no Internet. There is no land line phone service and I was freaking b/c I couldn't get access to my email. I am still waiting to hear from Channel 6 news and I have heard nothing.Of course, if the TV were working, I am sure all one could view today is reporting on the storm damage. We have many power and telephones lines down and many people may be without power for a few days. Thank God for cell phones and laptop computers with battery back-up, LOL!!!

Anyway, just wanted to post an update and say that I am preparing myself for Monday morning's interview on FOX. Wish me luck. Thanks be to God today. We are still alive, we still have a home and even though I have no cable or Internet today, that really doesn't matter much in the grand scheme of things.

Friday, May 30, 2008

FIVE Days until DC!!!

OMIGOSH!!! Ever feel like you have diminished brain cells? Well, that has been me all week. The closer we get to leaving for DC, then fewer brain cells that are firing actually. When I was a young girl, my mother always told me that I would forget my head if it wasn't attached to my shoulders and 30 some years later, not much has changed in that department...just ask my friend Susan that I let down tonight even after she REMINDED me not to forget. I am a self professed "forgetter". I prefer to say that I am like Albert Einstein and to be called absent-minded.

So, I forgot all kinds of things today but I got much accomplished as well. Graduation is tomorrow at the school I work at and I have 4 Open Houses to attend after. I went to one tonight and that is 1 down, 4 to go. I am going to be worn out after tomorrow I think. I am going to need some Lisa time really soon or I am going to start becoming grouchy and discontent.

I am disappointed to say that I never heard back from Channel 6 news about doing our story, so for now, it looks like we are just going to get a quick segment with Angela Ganote on Monday. But hey...take what you can right? I am just grateful that someone is allowing us a platform from which to stand and tell our story.

All I can think about is how historical this movement is going to be. Last I read today, there are some 10,000+ people attending the rally. The list of attendees has grown so much in the last week, TACA has had to move the actual starting point of the Rally to accomodate us all. YAY!!! But as Martha Stewart would say, "that's a good thing".

I ask for your continued prayers and thoughts for us as we come closer to our mission. I pray that the rain will hold off until after the Rally (the extended forecast says thunderstorms next Wed in DC). Thanks for those who made donations today, I am forever grateful for you. We are getting closer every day.

Tonight I am just grateful for knowing all of you that have donated for our cause, who are praying for us, who have us in your thoughts and for those who are just there for us when we need a shoulder to lean or cry on. It's amazing knowing how many people are rooting us on. It's amazing knowing how many people are pulling for us. All of you will be with us when we march next Wednesday. All of you are in my heart and I will be thinking of all of you when we walk. Without the love and support you all give to us, this trip would not have even been possible, but yet here I sit...five days out and I am just filled with amazing grace tonight. I can't wait to share our journey with you.

Goodnight, sleep tight.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

SIX Days until DC!!!

Okay, I am seriously tired. I have been reading, emailing, calling, printing, sorting, shifting, running around, and everything else you can think of today. I was so busy, that I forgot to stop and get gas this morning and I actually ran out of gas this afternoon. I haven't done that since I was 19 years old. I ran out of gas once on my way home from school. My old mustang just didn't quite make it to the exit ramp. I ran out about 30 yards from the ramp, so it was a short walk. Luckily for me, Ed was close and brought me some gas and got me back on my way. I feel so stupid for running out of gas. But it's a gentle reminder for me to s-l-o-w down and breathe in and breathe out. It's all gonna work out. Someone is gently calling me, but I am not listening too well right now.

So, yesterday I had no takers on our story to DC and tonight I have two. I am going to meet with FOX59 AM crew this coming Monday and I will be on bright and early at 6:30ish. Wish me luck. I hope I don't say anything stupid and that I don't get all nervous....heh...heh...heh....and say something stupid, like repeat the words "and, uhm" over and over....or say "ya know?" over and over. That's a worst case scenario. I need to go over in my head what I am going to say all weekend. And, I heard from WRTV TheIndyChannel today too. They are thinking of doing something as well, but I am waiting to hear back from them.

Here's the deal. No amount of worrying will change the outcome any right? I have done this a thousand times over the past couple of years. I talk autism and vaccines and biomed and cure all the time to just about anyone that asks me about it. So, I have these friends of mine that reminded me that I can do this and it's going to be ok. Breathe in, breathe out...I can do this. This is my chance to tell our story.

So, on a brighter and much lighter note, here is an Ivy funny for you. Tonight she was just being a Chatty Cathy and she asked me how much I weighed. I said to her, I am not going to tell you. The reason I will not tell her is because numbers are her thing. She loves numbers and dates and figures and then she memorizes and repeats them. Like the time she asked me how old I was. I told her 43 without blinking an eye...she said, "43!!!!! Wow that's old Mommy!!" I just laughed....but I wasn't laughing a week later when we were in Kroger checking out and the cashier was talking to Ivy and asked her how old she was and she blurts out really LOUD, "well, I am only 6, just a little girl, but my Mommy is an old girl, she is 43!!!!". I wanted to die. So, you can see why there is NO WAY I am telling Ivy how much I weigh, ok?

So she continues to badger me about how much do I weigh as I sit here typing and I say things like "enough" and "a lot" and she looks at me really serious, cocks her head and says, "well what is it like 221 or something??" My husband almost spit his drink all over the kitchen and then laughter erupts from the kitchen and from the living room as he and Jade have a real laugh with that. Yeah 221, that's the ticket. Won't be long I bet. When I get back from DC, I have got to start exercising and moving more. Or else Ivy's guess of 221 won't be too far off. Heavy I shovel some ice cream in my mouth.

So until tomorrow...think good positive thoughts for us and keep praying that we will meet our financial goal. Money keeps popping up in strange ways, but I always have to worry, that's my job as a professional worrier. Thanks to those who have made selfless donations towards our trip this week. I love you for it more than you know! We are getting there slowly but surely!

Peace and happiness to you tonight and Happy Friday to you tomorrow.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

SEVEN Days until DC!!!!

Ok, I can hardly contain myself tonight. I feel so excited to share this with everyone. You know how I mentioned that I was sort of bugging the local news stations and all? Well, I got some bites today!!! FOX emailed me and asked if they could interview us and so did WRTV Channel 6. Their health reporter emailed me and ask if they could cover us while we were in DC. Woot!!

Ok, so this is my one chance to share with everyone about our journey and why we are making the trek to DC. I know some people won't "get it" like those RN's I talked with yesterday and whole bunch of other people...but you can sure betcha a whole lotta people will get it. It might be the spark needed to let them know that there is hope for them. If I can help just one family, then my work is done as far as I am concerned. I will definitely post and let you know if the interview's take place or not.

I am still hoping we can raise the rest of the money we need by next Tuesday. I can't wait to see the signs my friend is making and donating for us. Oh and I checked out the weather for next week in DC...and it looks like it might be a soggy Rally. I am going to check into some type of rain poncho's tomorrow for us just in case. Let's pray for nice sunny walking weather...think good weather for me, ok?

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Eight Days Until DC!!

Whew!! First official day of summer vacation today and what a whirlwind it was. I had to tie up some loose ends at the school and then went over the hospital and had my annual review. I got a raise!! Woot! That's always good news to know you are going to get mo' money!~!~!~!~

So, the girls are going to the Boys and Girls Club each morning while I do eBay and then I will spend the afternoons with them each day. It's going to work out well. I ran a bunch of errands today and things went well....just BUSY!! I never stopped running from the time I dropped them off until I picked them up this afternoon.

Then came the fun part. As if running errands isn't fun enough...Jade fell off the monkey bars on the play set in our backyard and hurt her hand late this afternoon when we got home. So, off to the ER we went. I thought for sure she broke it, but they said no, it wasn't broken, just a bad sprain and lots of internal bleeding around the injury site and swelling. Ugh!! First day of summer vacation!!! She has been crying all night with pain. I tried to wrap it best I could with an ace bandage and splint, but she was not liking that AT ALL. I gave her Motrin and that completely knocked her out. I can't wait to see how it feels in the morning. It is injured where the thumb attaches to your hand and then the index and middle fingers and knuckle area. It's very swollen and bruised. Poor baby. I know it must hurt her a lot. I hate when there is just nothing you can do to make them comfortable.

So, I have been emailing all the local news stations and the local newspapers about doing a story for the Rally and so far, no takers. I haven't even got a reply that they are not interested. That is discouraging to say the least. I just wish I could get someone to pick up the story for awareness sake, you know? I had the opportunity to share with a couple of people today about our trip....both RN' is a also a Nurse Practitioner. They both just looked at me and said, "UH, ok...really? Ok, well good luck with that". I was laughing to myself in my head. No one really understands when you try to tell them your child was vaccine damaged. It's just like it's not comprehensible. People just can't seem to wrap their minds around the fact that there are literally thousands upon thousands of children suffering because of vaccine injury. I mean the government didn't develop the National Vaccine Injury Compensation Fund for they know that it's possible for damage to occur...problem is they make it so hard to file a claim, that no one ever sees a claim to it's end. I need to be discussing that with Sen. Lugar as well.....note to self.....

Ok, well....happy Monday to you and keep us in your prayers over the next week as we get closer and closer to this Rally.

Monday, May 26, 2008

NINE days until DC~~

I can't wait. I am exhausted as I have been working well into the wee hours of the night on gathering pertinent information to take with us. I am building a nice case here. I will probably bore the Senator's aid to death. And I hope that she will take the time to actually READ the information I leave for her. I managed to contact ABC, NBC, CBS and FOX today and emailed them asking if they would join us in Washington DC for the Rally. I also wrote AGAIN to the local newspaper. I am hoping to get someone to do a story about the Rally. I am just going to keep squeaking, because you know what they say about the squeaky wheel, right?

Anyway, enough Rally talk. Today is Memorial Day and I just wanted to remember all the lovely people in my life that are no longer with me. I love all of you and I miss you.

In Loving Memory:

My 2 Angels in Heaven
My Dad Brian
My Step Dad Phil
My Grandma Kate
My Grandma Vera
My Aunt Nell
My Aunt Geneva
My Nanny
My Brother Richie
My Step Grandparents
My Friend Curt
My Friend Ed
My Friend Gerald
My Friend Mary
My Friend Paul

Sunday, May 25, 2008

TEN days and counting....

TEN days until DC. Been trying to get all my important information together today that I will present to Senator Lugar. I have some really definitive and persuasive stuff I think. I am hoping that my meeting will make an impact. I hope that putting a face to a name and putting a face on autism, they they will remember us and make moves towards making a change. Cross your fingers for us.

I was up late, late last night trying to map out some touristy things for us to do as well while we are there. May as well see the place if we are going to be there, ya know? Anyone know of some must-see places for us? Leave me a comment and let me know. We got our Rally t-shirts in the mail yesterday and they are very cool. Here is what mine, Ed's and Jade's look like:

Click to enlarge so you can really see what this says.....I LOVE IT!!!!

And here is what Ivy's says:

Again, click on the pic to enlarge!!

So, do you think those will make an impact? I plan to wear mine all over Washington DC while we are there. Nothing like a walking billboard, eh? I hope that people will ask me about it so that I can offer an explanation.

I am getting super antsy. Say a prayer for me for some serenity this week. Thanks again to everyone who is pitching in to help us meet our financial goal. We are getting closer every day. Without all of you, this trip would not be possible!!

Here's hoping for peace in our lives this week. :)

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Happy Birthday Ivy Doodle

That 's been Ivy's nickname since she was born. Well that and a plethora of other names like: Ivy Doo, Ivy B the Bumble Bee, Ivy Dozer, Dozer, Doo, Poison Ivy, Ive, Ivester, Vee, Punkin, Sissy Sue ....oh heck I could go on forever I guess. I never call my kids by their real names hardly it seems.

Well, today my little ray of sunshine is SEVEN years old. I can't believe it. It's just seems like she isn't my baby anymore, even though she will always be my baby due to birth order. I wish I could report that today was all roses and sunshine, but it wasn't. What started out to be the most normal birthday ever, turned very ugly about 4:00 pm today and boy did it ever get ugly.

We started the day off with some birthday pictures outside on this beautiful day. Took Ivy to the store to spend her birthday money and she decided she wanted a new bike. She has always had a Jade what the heck. With her birthday money, she was able to buy a new bike from WalMart for $60.00 woo hoo!!! It's so cute.

Next, we went to a Popsicle party at her teachers house for end of the year. All her classmates were there, so we took cupcakes to the party and sang Happy Birthday to her there. She did really well there. I let her have two cupcakes and that is probably where the bridge collapsed, but it was her BIRTHDAY darn it and I just wanted her to have a normal birthday like all the other kids have. I knew there would be hell to pay later and I was right.

We got home and that is where the trouble began. She just started crying and throwing a fit and I was just having such a hard time trying to get her calmed down. She was really, really worked up. I guess it was the wheat and AND sugar combo that sent her over the edge. She had about 5 0r 6 Popsicles and that stuff is nothing but frozen fructose corn syrup. Ivy and FCS don't blend well together. Add in the crap from the cupcakes and you have got yourself one really angry little girl. She was yelling at me, I am losing my autism and you caused it!!! I think she was trying to say that her autism was flaring that possible?? I am not sure what else she meant by that. She knows when she is on wheat overload and it makes her very disagreeable and she does not like feeling that way and she is always very remorseful for her bad behavior, but can't seem to control the rage while on a wheat high.

It's my fault for letting her have all that stuff, but I just wanted for things to seem normal for her day. I ended up losing my patience with her and went off to pout in the bedroom and fell asleep and took a little nap. When I woke up 2 hours later, she did seem better, but was still pretty grouchy. Mommy's bad Ivy. I am the parent and I should have not let you had all the stuff at the party. Note to self: next year monitor what goes into her mouth a LOT closer.

Anyway, I prefer to remember her excitement from this morning about it being her day and I will forget and forgive the rest of the day. Happy Birthday to my sweet little Ivy. I love you.


Friday, May 23, 2008

Feeling grateful

I feel so grateful right now. Really, really grateful. I don't have the words to express my feelings at this moment, but know that I am grateful. When I can get my thoughts together enough, I will post something about it later.

Today was my last day of work until August and the girls' last day of school. I feel such a sense of relief right now. I love knowing that I am work free for the next several weeks and that is just the icing on the cake for me. Sorry, but I am not going to miss Greenfield Central High School one bit. Well, not exactly work free either, because I will be loading up my eBay store starting next week. But eBay is not stressful, so I am looking forward to getting back to that for the summer.

Speaking of cake, my beautiful daughter Ivy, turns SEVEN tomorrow. Words cannot express right now how I am feeling. I am just all over the map with emotions tonight. I am looking forward to sharing her birthday with you tomorrow. She went and picked out her birthday cupcakes for tomorrow and she chose a cute number seven candle, PLUS regular candles too. I am so excited that she is excited about her birthday. This is the first time she has really been "into it". She never really comprehended what her birthday was. But not this time...she has been asking me for WEEKS about her birthday. Will she have a summer party? What kind of cake? How many people? What she wants for her birthday present, etc. Seems like a normal almost 7 yr old to me. :)

I don't have much time to post, but I will jot down some thoughts I have sometime over the weekend. Just know that for the first time in weeks, I can lay my head down to rest tonight and I am relieved and I am so very grateful.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Feeling anxious

I can't sleep and so I thought maybe I needed to journal my thoughts. I am really anxious tonight and I am not sure how to stop feeling this way. All I can think about is Washington DC and whether or not we are going to make it there or not.

I told a friend today, that I was just going to try to have blind faith from here on out and hope and pray that I was going to accomplish what we have set out to do. This is complete torture. It's just so hard for me to turn the worry over and then let it stay gone. I want to take it back so badly. That's in my nature....but maybe human nature as a whole, I don't know.

There are angels in this world and I am lucky enough to know a few. Thank you to those angels and you know who you need for me to call you out by name.

My new motto for this mission is this:

be the change you wish to see in the world. . .

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

I love my friends!!!

So often we think we are all alone in life fighting our causes all by ourselves, but if we stop and really think about it...we aren't alone at all. First, there is always God, ever present in Spirit and I know that he is never farther than a prayer from me. Second, there are friends to lean on. I love that saying about friends coming into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Because it's so true.

I am a people person and I love people from all walks of life. From that love of people, I have gathered myself quite a collection of friends over the years. If I have befriended you, you are usually a friend for life. Some of you may come and go in my life, some of you have remained constant and true and some of you have only just entered. My friends are pulling together for me right now when I need it most. I love all of them and I am proud to call you friend

Monday, May 19, 2008

My gratitude list

I haven't done one in a long, long time and and I think it's way over due. I think when you are at your nastiest and your worst is the BEST time to make one. I have so many irons in the fire right now, that it just seems to be a good time to remember what I am thankful and grateful for today.

1) For God who give me strength I didn't know I had at times

2) For my family who deals with me even when I am crazy...and I mean CRAZY!!

3) For friends, old and new that are in my life for a reason and keep me grounded

4) For warm, sunny, summer days

5) For naps- yes Kellie, I STILL like napping after all these years

6) For whoever invented chocolate

7) For good music-the loud kind that I still love even though I am too old for that

8) For the ability to laugh when I really want to cry

9) For my old van that is probably on her last leg- please don't die on me yet, girl.

10) For good books that I love to read and keep my mind sharp

Bet if you think about it, you can find ten things you are grateful for today as well. Go ahead...get your pen and paper out and jot a few things down. Hang onto it and refer back to it in a few months and see if your list grows any....I promise you, it will!

Peace and Gratitude to you this week

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Lovin' Sundays...but Hatin' Mondays

That has been my mantra for the past 9 mths....lovin' Sundays, but hatin' Mondays.

Well, only one more Monday left of school and my job for this year. In fact, only 4 1/2 more days to go!! I am getting giddy like a school girl (no pun intended) just thinking about it. I can't believe I am 4 1/2 days away from sleeping in and putzing around the house and spending some quality time with the girls!! I am really excited. The next two weeks are going to be a whirl-wind, but I will survive. I have end of school, wrapping up my work for summer, a birthday party, graduation and 4 open houses, the Indy 500, Memorial day and packing and leaving for DC all in the next two weeks. Please pray for sanity and serenity. I am gonna need it. :)

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Remembering VERA MAE

Vera....if I could use one word to describe her it would be another "V" word: VIVACIOUS.

Vera is my grandma. My beloved grandma. I miss her so much. The anniversary of her passing came not too long ago, it's been a year since she left us quietly in her sleep. I feel her presence around me more now than ever. Her birthday is coming up very soon and I think that just breathes live back into her memory even more.

My grandma believed in pennies from heaven and she never passed up a penny she saw on the ground. That was her thing, she collected pennies from Heaven. Well, that and BINGO! I never seen a person more crazy about bingo and luckier than she was at winning it. In fact, she was still playing bingo regularly right up until she died. She would play 6 cards, never miss a number and tell you which numbers you had missed on yours sitting beside her.

She was 92 when she died and she was a real looker. She had gorgeous legs made for dancing and she loved to dance and did it often. She went faithfully for 50 years and had her hair "done" every week at the beauty shop. She painted both her fingernails and toenails red and wore red lipstick. She never left the house without her make-up on and she was always dressed to the nines. She loved three things in life: earrings, shoes and Danielle Steele books. She collected ALL of them. The woman literally had a shoe collection that would shame Imelda Marcos, she coveted as many pairs of earrings and she had every book ever written by Danielle Steele.

She was the life of the party and people loved to laugh with and at her. She was the best grandma ever. She had a lot of grandchildren and even more great grandchildren and a few great, great children when she passed, but she had this unique way of making you feel as if you were the one and only grandchild she ever had. She could spoil you like no other. She never missed an opportunity to tell me she loved me or how "purdy" she thought I was. Ever. She told me often and I believed her with all my heart.

When I had my first miscarriage, she sent me a card with a lovely letter inside telling me that she understood my heartache and then went on to tell me about the little girl she had that died of unknown causes when she was 9 mths old. How I had lived to be 34 and never knew that about my own Grandma was unbelievable. I felt even more closer to her at the moment and when I had my second miscarriage, she called me on the phone and we just cried together. No words were needed.

When Ivy was diagnosed with autism, she called me one day to tell me that she was thinking of me and she missed not hearing from me as often, but she knew that I had my hands full and that she wasn't holding it against me. She told me that she understood how hard my life was at the time, but she was sure God chose the right Mommy for Ivy, because she knew how strong I was and how much of a fighter I could be if I needed to be. I seized the moment then and told her how grateful I felt to be her granddaughter and how much I loved her and I was so sorry for not calling more often. I told her that I never not once growing up ever felt I was not loved by her. I never felt that any of my cousin's were loved more than me either, that she had always made me feel so special over the years. I felt like I had to say it, because I knew she was getting older and I felt like I wanted her to know how grateful I was for her love and her friendship. To this day, I am so glad I had the chance to say how I felt to her.

So anyway, about those pennies....we have been trying so hard to raise money for DC, right? Well, starting the day of the anniversary of her passing, I began finding pennies. Weird, right? Yeah, it is, but I just think it's my Grandma's way of telling me she has arrived and she is here for me and even from heaven, she is helping me get to DC. To date, I have found exactly 16 cents and every one of those will be spent towards the trip.

I miss her and I just had to write about her and how I marvel at her presence in my life right now. She was that way in real life and she is that way in the after life. So, here's to you, my beautiful Vera Mae......


This is one of favorite picture's of the girls and My Grandma. This was right after Ivy's 1st birthday and Ivy fell in the bathtub the night before her BD party and split open her eye and she had 5 stitches in the crease of her eyelid on her right eye and then the next week, Jade ran straight into a door jam and split open her forehead...hers was super glued together in ER.
I laugh at this picture with my 2 accident prone girls! Ivy with a black eye and stitches and Jade with her big knot, bruise and glued together forehead.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

The Dreaded Yearly IEP for Ivy

Well, I had it sprung on me this morning that I was to attend Ivy's IEP this afternoon without any warning. I have been waiting patiently for the school to contact me regarding her IEP, but I have heard nothing. I imagine the scenario goes something like this. Her IEP has to be completed May 23, which is the last day of school. Someone over at the public school realized that no one had been in contact with myself or anyone at her private school and they scrambled to get this done. I was irritated as all get out, but luckily, it was my day to volunteer in the school cafeteria today, so as I was washing dishes today, I had plenty of time to mull it over, pray about it and then let it go to the universe. I was amazingly relaxed going into it. I remained calm through the entire hour and half process.

The first thing that got me going was the speech therapist moved to dismiss her speech for next year. I almost choked on my own air. I couldn't get the words out, that she is not ready to be cut yet when the school Principal chimed in and said, "no way, she isn't ready". I hate that they try to so hard to tell me she is almost typical. What exactly is typical in today's children anyway? It sure doesn't mean what it used to. I think there are more kids who are atypical than not these days.

So anyway, the principal and the speech therapists are duking it out over how many days she should get or not get, when I start to block their voices out and start thinking in my head, how fine the line is for her being what they say is "recovered" to her being autistic. The ST was all sure of herself and acting like she was the reason my daughter was so much better. I imagined myself slapping her right across the face and then that horrible thought shook me right back into the conversation at hand. I know, I know, that really wasn't a very nice thing for me to think, but hey....they have NO IDEA the hell we have gone through to get her where she is today. And while little additions like (2) 20 minute speech therapy session's 2 x's a week help..and I say that lightly because she rarely gets what she has coming to her, it's US (meaning Ed & I) that have done most of her recovering here, not them.

She is able to learn and thrive b/c of our efforts as her parents. If we hadn't pursued the diet and the enzymes and the supplements and the clay baths and natural chelation and every other little thing we came across along the way, then she would still be locked in her old world that they call autism. If we stop the diet, the enzymes or anything, she immediately reverts back to her old autistic habits...which tells me she is not really recovered, but she IS in remission as long as we just do what do, day in, day out and never miss a beat. Autism is treatable, you just can't ever stop the treatments.

So, all in all, the IEP went okay and I was happy in the end, but I hate that the public school doesn't recognize MY efforts at all. They just see that she is better and assume that she is better b/c they provide her with (2) 20 minute speech sessions a couple of days a week. So, after taking it all in and meditating a little on it after I got home, I think that all is well in IEP Land for Miss Ivy. I think we can start next year in the second grade without too much to worry about. After-all, every single time I tend to doubt her abilities, she proves me wrong and exceeds what I thought was ever possible. I love that little girl.....she is my hero.

Ever crave chocolate so much it hurt?

Seriously? I mean it. I love chocolate and I am out of my usual stash. I got rid of the chocolate b/c I want to lose some weight and I love chocolate and love the way it makes me feel after I eat it. SO, now I am all out and I want some so bad. I am sitting here thinking of all the different types of chocolate I love. Here are some of my most fave's. I wonder how many we share?

I love this chocolate above all:

My next fave is this:

Running close behind the Crunch bar, come these:

And right after those, come these:

And who can forget this lovely invention from the Hershey kitchen:

I can always use a batch of these here:

And when I don't feel like making them, I can buy some of these:

And then for special occasions, I really love this:

As I was sitting here thinking I really have chocolate on the brain, it occurred to me that in some sick kind of way, I could work chocolate into my new workout routine. I know, I are thinking that chocolate and work out don't belong in the same sentence, right? So, if I want chocolate that bad, I can eat it, but I have to work out in order to get it. Maybe if I use that as my incentive, I will move more and maybe if I move more, then I will no longer want or even need the chocolate?

I hope it works, because right now, I am so desperate for a chocolate fix, I am about to break open a bag of semi-sweet chocolate chips I have up in the cupboard. That is really sad. I can tell I am tired and need rest, otherwise I'd be thinking somewhat straight here. I am acting like a loony-bird. I got chocolate on the brain fo'-sho'.

I need chocolate.

I want chocolate.

I must have c-h-o-c-o-l-a-t-e!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

You gotta have FAITH.....

I hear George Michael chanting it in my head, can't you?

'Cause I gotta have faith-a-faith-a-faith...I gotta have FAITH!!!

No, I don't even remotely like that song, but it popped into my head when I was logging in here to post an update and tell you how little FAITH I had yesterday.

I feel like a complete yo-yo after yesterday's post. One day I am UP and feeling so sure about things, then next day I am DOWN and unsure and miserable. I make MYSELF crazy sometimes. I get so full of doubt that God's in control and He can handle it just fine without me trying to orchestrate it down here. When will I learn to just let it go? Probably never I guess.

Yesterday, I was SO FULL of doubt and I hastily posted my insecurities about not getting to DC...I did feel better temporarily though. I still have 3 weeks and 2 paychecks until then. Why am I stressing so and worrying SO MUCH? I have an old friend named Ed Lyle, God rest his soul, he would have just looked at me and grinned and said to me his famous words, "'ll all work out". And I know, that in this situation, it's all going to work out. I just know it. I had a momentary lapse in trust and I lost my FAITH. Today though, I am feeling better about it and I am just going to have FAITH and know that God is going to provide the excess for us to get there. He always does.

So, I gotta have faith-a-faith-a-faith...I gotta have FAITH!!!

Monday, May 12, 2008

Reality bites sometimes

Well, I am really bumming. We have been trying so hard to come up with some extra fundage to get to Washington DC and it's just not coming to fruition. I am not understanding why this is happening. This is my one chance to be heard and my feelings validated. I just really felt like God was moving me in this direction, especially since we got the special bracelets to meet Jenny McCarthy and Jim Carey. Why then, are we not able to come up with anything? The issue is the time factor. We need to raise about $1500.00 in the next 2 weeks or we are not going to be able to go. If we don't go, I am going to be literally broken hearted. The trip is going to cost about $2500 and we have close to $1000 and the rest we are short. This bites. I hate the way life is sometimes. I am going to try to remain positive and keep my head up, but I am starting to feel panicky and doubtful. Sometime when we put it out there, it helps. Sorry to be such a whiner. I just don't think anyone can understand how much I want to be there for this rally. :(

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Happy Mother's Day to me......

I have always, always loved life and all that life has had to offer me. I thought I knew what living was all about until I had children. Don't get me wrong, I have always loved children, I just never had my own until I was well into my 30's, so by that time, I was pretty settled into single life and single living.

I am the type person, who HAS GOT to have breathing room and her own space or I will suffocate. When I became a mother, I wanted desperately to cling to my children, but desperately needed air as well. I love my children with every ounce of my being, but sometimes, I just need to *be* alone and centered so that I can be the best Mom to them that I can. I need silence so I can recharge my energies. I need to be alone, so that I can be one with myself.

My kids are cranky today and it's never quiet here. Quiet and autism don't belong in the same sentence I guess. I know if Ivy only understood how much I need silence, she would give it to me, but she doesn't. Noise and screaming and bad behavior is communication for her. It's how she tells me something is wrong, something is making her uncomfortable. I long for quiet days, but as a mother, I know, that the noise only lasts a short while and then they will leave me for good and I will fear that silence and long for the days of noise.

My dear sweet Jade, that poor baby, has to endure SO MUCH as a result of being Ivy's sibling. I can't blame her half the time for being disagreeable. Sometimes, the pressure is just sooooo intense that you just blow. You have to release it somehow and somewhere. Bless her little heart for being such a great big sister. I don't want you to think that it's always bad here all the time, because we have some happy and joyous times together, but they are only small little snippets of happiness sprinkled here and there throughout our days. I am so glad that I am a Mom and so proud to bear the title.

My girls have such endearing qualities each unique to their own selves. Jade is happy and sings without abandon, she dances and prances all over the house. She can't sit still and she is ever the explorer seeking out the next adventure. She loves art and theater, dancing, singing and music. She has a vivid imagination and daydreams a lot. She is tender hearted and thoughtful and so brave. She is fiercely independent always wants to do things herself and her own way. She doesn't let me hold her much or make over her and fuss about her and squeeze her or shower her with kisses. She is already off in her own little world thinking about what she can do next. Sometimes, at night, she let's me snuggle with her when she is tired....only then will she let me hold her, when she is at the point of exhaustion, she let's go in my arms. I live for those moments.

Ivy, is the exact opposite from Jade. She has eyes that can penetrate your soul. You can look into them and see forever. It's so hard to remember how happy and jolly she was as a baby before autism stole her from me. She lived in a dark world for a long time before I began to see the sparkle in her eyes again. She had no words for so long, no way to communicate other than crying, kicking and screaming. I was lucky in that most children with autism are not affectionate. God left for me that small little trait inside her. I think He knew that if she had no expression of love for me, that I wouldn't have that seed of hope for her healing. But she loves like no other child I have known. She hugs you and when you are hugged by her, you just know that she is hugging you with all that she is. You can feel it shoot straight to the middle of your heart. She squeezes you so tight and you just know, she is saying with her arms what her mouth can't say and her head doesn't quite understand. Ivy loves to sing and has a beautiful voice for such a young person. She never strays too far from me and loves to have me in her sight for extra reassurance that she is okay. She loves to swing and run and play and laugh. She loves to be tickled and chased and made over and babied. She is fiercely jealous and wants my attention or else. She loves to color and she loves school and learns so fast. Every day she amazes me as she conquers another step in her road to recovery.

Yes, I am one lucky Mother not just today, but everyday. Happy Mother's Day to me. I love, therefore, I am......woman, creator, nurturer, advocate, shepherd and best of all a MOTHER.....

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Help us get to DC!!!!

Well, we are booking reservations and calculating costs and it's going to cost us a small fortune to get there and stay during the rally. I am going to stop at nothing though. We WILL get to Washington DC or else.

Should you care to make a donation towards our history making trip, you can send your donation to me via PayPal. Please know that donations are NOT expected, but would be graciously and gratefully accepted if you feel inclined to do so. I never ask for anything, but sometimes, we have to take help from other's where we can't help ourselves. My PayPal address is

I will also be listing things on eBay in the next few weeks, so maybe I'll have something you can't live without listed. All proceeds will be going towards our DC fund. My eBay user ID is all*things*green. Please check me out over the next few weeks.

I hate asking, but at this point, not sure how else we will make the ends meet to fund the trip. It never hurts to ask, even though it humiliates me beyond belief. SO, it's out there and I am off to do some yard work and maybe plant some flowers and pull some weeds. Summer is coming, I can feel it in the air. I saw a red winged black bird the other day. That always means summer is coming here around my area. I always welcome the sight of those little fellas. Ok, off to poke around in my yard. Until later......

Friday, May 9, 2008

Chocolate always makes life better

This is the end of what I would call an excruciatingly l-o-n-g work week. Why you ask? Well, thanks for asking, I would be glad to share......well, many of know that I'm the school nurse at the local high school, ok? Well, let's just say that I had a record breaking attendance in the clinic this week. Yuppers.....I saw 247 kids this week. That is my highest ever...even during FLU season. Ugh, no wonder I am exhausted. I had to take a nap today when I got home from work. That's pretty bad ya know? Work is so stressful that you have to come home and nap so you can make it through the night.

I keep telling myself that I see that many kids each week, because I am the cool school nurse and they must just like to come down there and hang out with me for that reason alone. Uhm...yeah right. Seriously? That CAN'T be it. I am not all. I think they are all just a bunch of whiny butts, that's what I really think. I have an entire fleet of what I call my frequent flyer's at that school. God love 'em. I try to love 'em too, but there are just some days (and today was one of them) that I don't love them, I don't love the school and I don't love my job...not one iota. Whew! Glad I got THAT off my chest. I feel much better now.

Well, one GOOD thing is that the girls only had a half day today at their school, so my MIL picked them up at noon and they are spending the night there. Ed is at band practice and I am here alone in the house, just me and the 3 cats and the dog. Right now, I am listening to the sound of silence. Silence really is GOLDEN sometimes, isn't it? I had a chili cheese dog for supper from Dairy Queen and I am not sure what I will do with myself now that I have the house to myself. Probably catch up on some more rest. I am thinking the only thing that could round this day off would be some form of chocolate. I will have to think on that. Chocolate always makes life better. I'll start my diet tomorrow I guess.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Takin' It To The Streets

Anyone remember that song?

The Doobie Brothers....ahhh the memories.....that song keeps playing in my head tonight. Here are the lyrics"

You don't know me but I'm your brother
I was raised here in this living hell
You don't know my kind in your world
Fairly soon the time will tell
You, telling me the things you're gonna do for me
I ain't blind and I don't like what I think I see

Takin' it to the streets
Takin' it to the streets
Takin' it to the streets
Takin' it to the streets

Take this message to my brother
You will find him everywhere
Wherever people live together
Tied in poverty's despair
You, telling me the things you're gonna do for me
I ain't blind and I don't like what I think I see

Takin' it to the streets
Takin' it to the streets
Takin' it to the streets
Takin' it to the streets

So anyway, back to my point. I voted this week and all the way to the polls, I just kept thinking how crooked and corrupt our government has really gotten. I was in despair because I truly am not feeling it for any of the candidates. They all make me feel like I just threw up in my mouth a little. The Doobie Brothers song, the words were resonating in my ears. "You, telling me the things you're gonna do for me. I ain't blind and I don't like what I think I see"

Guess that's all the more reason for me to pack my bags and head to DC and try to make some kind of difference. If people don't open their minds to change and open their eyes to what's going on around them and don't open their mouths to speak up, then what is this world going to come to? Really?

All I know is that I am less than thrilled with the candidates for President of the United States, my government is failing miserably and there seems to be no change in sight to all the madness going on behind closed doors. Seems like it's no longer, we the people....but we the pharmaceutical companies, we who has the most money, we who offer you the biggest tax write off, etc. That's who's running the country now...not we the people. Yep, it's all about the Benjamin's these days and that is seriously sad.

So, take this message to my brother, you will find him everywhere.
Wherever people live together, tied in poverty's despair.
So you, telling me the things you're gonna do for me.
Well, I ain't blind and I don't like what I think I see.

Takin' it to the streets....yep, that's what I'm going to do people...take my message to the streets....I can still dream big and hey, I can HOPE even more.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Happy Nurse's Day!

To all the nurse's everywhere around the world...this is for you!

Update on Ivy Funny

Ivy: "Mommy, I broke up with Austin Frazier".

Me: "Oh, really, you did...when?"

Ivy: "In April, I think."

See earlier post about conversation with Ivy.

Too funny!!!

Her first love over already. LOL!!!

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Washington DC or BUST!

Well, we are going to Washington DC to participate in the GREEN OUR VACCINES rally on June 4th headed up by TACA (Talk About Curing Autism). All the big names will be there in the autism community...all my heroes. The celebrity speaker will be Jenny McCarthy and after we march to Capital Hill, she will hold a 30 minutes press conference and somehow, Ed & I managed to score bracelets to get into a special meet & greet after with Jenny McCarthy and Jim Carey. Only 1000 bracelets given out to over 6000 people.

Only problem we have right now is figuring out how to finance the trip. We know that where there is a will, there is a way. SO, we are going to trust in God, that we will find that way to get there. There is no way we are NOT going. This issue is so important to me and my family. We have to be heard. We have to be part of history in the making. I can feel the shift taking place. Can you imagine the energy of 6000+ people hoping and praying to make a difference in the lives of future children all together in the same place at the same time? It will probably be the biggest moment in my life other that giving birth and getting married, those were biggies too. But to take our children to the march/rally and have them witness the experience too? I am hopping that they will always carry the memory with them. I am hoping that will learn to fight for what they believe in, even when the rest of the world doesn't believe in the same cause as you do.

Keep us in your thoughts and prayers and hope that we can find a way to get to DC. I will keep you posted on our progress.

Peace and DC or BUST!!!

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Life Lessons

Things I have learned recently about life:

1) The media is not your friend...ever...for any reason....the media is the enemy. Never trust the media

2) Patience is a virtue and a lost art.

3) Mean people suck.

4) I am fat.

5) A job is a job and it's income, but family comes first no matter what....even over your job.

6) Sometimes, it's good to reminisce with old friends about old times.

7) God is talking to me all the time, but if I am not listening, then I am not getting His message.

8) Good friends are hard to come by.

9) Our animals know us better than we know ourselves.

10) When the rest of the world treats you crappy, you always have your family...even if they stink sometimes too. :)

Friday, May 2, 2008

Four things about me

Ok, I also stole this from Melanie, but hey you never know....someone out there might actually wanna know some stuff about me. So, here ya go, don't say I never gave you anything, ok?

Four places I go over and over again:
1. Church
2. Work
3. Circle K for Polar Pops
4. CVS

Four movies I've watched more than 4x each:
1. The Notebook
2. Fried Green Tomatoes
3. Napoleon Dynamite
4. Shawshank Redemption

Four places I've lived:
1. Indianapolis, IN
2. Greenfield, IN
3. Los Alamitos, CA
4. Tampa, FL

Four TV shows I watch:
1. CSI, The original
2. Miami Ink
3. My Name is Earl
4. HGTV- anything

Four places I've been:
1. Munich, Germany
2. Gatlinburg, TN
3. Cancun, Mexico
4. San Francisco, California

Four people who email me regularly:
1. Judy
2. Tammy
3. Cheryl
4. Susan

Four of my favorite foods:
1. Veggie Pizza
2. Spaghetti and meatballs
3. Pork Roast w/ carrots and potatoes
4. Hamburger Barley Soup

Four places I'd like to visit:
1. Italy
2. Greece
3. Alaska
4. Africa

Four things I'm looking forward to in 2008:

1. Returning to school to start a new chapter in life
2. Going to the Green Our Vaccines Rally in DC
3. Going home to visit my Mom in Los Al, CA
4. Getting out in my yard and doing some gardening

So there you have it. :)