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Tuesday, October 28, 2008

T is for.........

TIME: this is something I never seem to have enough of. I mean literally...after the diagnosis of autism, time became a precious commodity in my life. I never, ever have enough TIME. Autism is a robber of TIME. Somedays, I just wish I could hang out with Jade and give her my full, 100% undivided attention and not feel guilty that someone else is not getting a piece of me too. But that NEVER happens when you have lost your TIME.

THANKFULNESS: I am so thankful for the friends and family that continue to rally around us even when we are so obviously failing you as a son, daughter, sister, brother, aunt, uncle or friend. Please know that we always have you all in our hearts and it's your love that carries us through one more day when we are at our worst and want to totally give up.

THERAPY: All families that have kids with an autism diagnosis should be offered FREE therapy. I have never been a therapy kind of person. But man, could I ever use some about right now. I am pretty much at the end of my rope most days and my marriage is failing miserably as well. I just read that the divorce rates in autism families is 8out of 10 ending in divorce. That's is pretty darn high and I completely understand where that number comes from. Sometimes I feel like adding to the number to make it 9out of ten.

TREATMENTS: There are so many new and promising TREATMENTS out there to treat ASD kids....problem is, no one can afford them unless they mortgage off their homes, cash in their 401K's, sell their kidney on eBay or beg, borrow and steal in order to pay for it. I have no money left to pay for anything. I worry that Ivy's window of opportunity is slowly closing and this is as good as it gets for her. How do I convince the window to stay open a little longer for me until I figure something out? I imagine me talking to the window like this "Hello, window? It's me Lisa. Please stay open long enough for me to figure out how to handle this money crisis, ok?"

TEACHING: Every day I am alive and lucky enough to be Ivy's mom, I learn something new from her. She is a TEACHER. She is TEACHING me patience, tolerance and unconditional love. She is TEACHING me to love myself even when I can't or don't want to. She is TEACHING the world that our Earth has become toxic and we are getting sick as a people and we need to clean our planet up and remove the toxins so our kids can become healthy once again. She is TEACHING her peers to have empathy and tolerance for special needs kids. She is TEACHING her sister that even though she is hard to love, its ok to love her from afar, and Jade does a wonderful job at that.

THE END: I have decided to end the autism alphabet early. I no longer want to focus on the negative aspects of autism which is what the autism alphabet has allowed me to do. It was therapeutic and good while it lasted, but I only want to focus on the positive from here on out.

2 comments:

Liam said...

T is for tickling... which is what my daughter likes to do... and I laugh every time even though she's not even remotely tickling me... but she cackles and I love hearing her laugh.

Shea's Mom said...

I found your post very moving. I agree, all children with autism should be given therapy for free. But, then I think that anyone who needs medical treatments or therapy should be allowed to get what they need despite how much money they have. Unfortunately, that is what a For Profit healthcare system looks like. And, I hate it.

Hang in there.