Healing Thyself

You know sometimes life takes you a journey that you never really asked to be on. Sometimes the journey turns out to be pretty cool. And sometimes it SUCKS.

I've been on a journey that I sho nuff didn't ask to be on, but I would like to think that b/c of that journey, I am a better woman for it. I just see life differently now. I have learned that life is not about things, but the people you are lucky enough to have in it.

Like children for example.....what greater gift is there than the gift of experiencing the unconditional love of a child? I don't know if for me, there was a greater gift than the gift of my two daughters. I love them both to pieces. But, b/c of them....I see life better than I did before. I have learned more from Ivy that I ever thought possible and she is my hero b/c every single day she is challenged yet she is a champion at the end of every day b/c she is a survivor.

The same could be said about my sweet Jade. She is more than a survivor. She is an inspiration. She is the best big sister ever in the whole wide world. God knew what he was doing when he chose Jade to be Ivy's sibling. I would never question that for a minute. She is so strong and independant and knows what she likes and what she wants. She is solid and stands her ground to fight whatever cause she currently believes in. She is exactly the kind of big sister you would want if you had a choice.

SO, anyway back to the topic at hand, as I have been on this journey for the past 4 years....I have learned a lot about life and why things are the way they are and I have decided to embark on a self chosen journey. I have devoted that past 3 years to getting Ivy well and healing her. Now, I choose to *heal thyself*. I need to be well. It's just time. In fact, it's long overdue.

What I need is a pit stop. I need sleep. I need to eat right. I need to get moving and exercise. I need to listen to my inner voice when I know it's talking to me but I just choose to ignore it. I need to nuture the relationships that I have let go to the wayside as I put all else aside to rally for my child's future. I need to prepare myself for the future. Heavy sigh......the question is....can I accomplish this? Can I really take time for myself so that I heal too? Because I am broken...in about a zillion little pieces. I need to pull myself back together so that I can function as one human being. I can't imagine going on for one more day in the skin that I am in. It's time to shed and get moving.

So, if you see me in the future and you talk to me and I seem different, hopefully it is because I am. Hopefully, the changes will be subtle...but you'll notice them. Hope. I like the sound of that word. It deserves to be repeated: HOPE!!! It's something that I haven't had in a long, long time and I want it!!!

HOPE!! I want it!!!

HOPE!!

HOPE!!

I want it!!!

I think I may have started today. I asked off work today with the intent of doing something for Jade's birthday party this weekend. I decided to sleep in, shower and putz around the house and DO NOTHING. I can't remember the last time, I had the dang house to myself.....no kids...no husband....just me and my big pink, fuzzy house slippers putzing around the house. I am gonna watch Ellen and The Young and the Restless and cook a nice dinner and just BE. I am just going to BE!! No agenda, no motive, not schedule.....just BE!! Hell, I might just take a nap while I am at it.

So, as the close of January comes to us....I challenge you to *heal thyself* with me. I am going to continue to post my updates and let you know how I am doing and I encourage you to let me know how you are healing onseself as well.

Here's to looking 43 right in the eye!!