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Thursday, October 1, 2009

Heartbreaker

Well anyone that has a child with autism surely knows that with autism, comes heartache. That's a given. Someone pointed out to me last night that all kids suffer heartache, not just kids with autism. Very true. All kids have been on the receiving end a time or two of someone's bullying. As a parent, you want to protect them from that type of pain, but yet you have to let them learn to fend for themselves because at times, life just isn't fair and they need to learn coping skills for when that happens. For the most part, I let Ivy fight her own battles, only once have I stepped in and shown my claws since she started school. She is an easy target for kids to pick on because she is not only speech delayed, but she is socially delayed as well. She is in the 3rd grade, yet relates best to the kids in kindergarten and 1st grade. That's where she is as far as maturity level, so that's where she best fits in. Nothing wrong with that, except that her typical peers seem to like to call her names like baby and preschooler and the likes.

Which brings me to my point here....last night Ivy had a meltdown. The kind that breaks your heart kind of meltdown. It's amazing to me the things she remembers. She started crying first that she remembered when she was a baby and she was angry and used to slap me and pull my hairand she was sorry for that. I was sort of dumbfounded. I can't believe she really remembers that. She has never expressed to me that she remembers anything about her earlier years, so how was I to know? That thought sent chills down my spine though. If she remembers doing that at age 2, 3, 4, then kids with autism are indeed locked inside just waiting to get out. That's so scary. So she knew all along what she was doing but couldn't control it. That thought is just really, really sad to me. :(

Then that went straight into a course of "no one likes me at school" tirades...that "everyone thinks she is a baby" and "she doesn't have any real friends" and that "the girls in her class don't like her"...which sent her straight into the "I HATE AUTISM AND I DON'T WANT AUTISM ANYMORE, I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO TAKE ENZYMES AND EAT SPECIAL FOOD, I JUST WANT TO BE NORMAL LIKE ALL THE OTHER KIDS!!!!" tirade. Which left me speechless. And sad. I don't want her to have autism anymore either. I don't want her to have to take meds and supplements and enzymes and eat special food either. I don't want her to be picked on at school and singled out either. All I could do was hold her and rock her and assure her that she was ok and she was a very special person even with her autism. What else can you do? Food for thought though as I make my way through today: Ivy remembers being locked inside....wow, that's amazing!

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I know this isn't easy for you and most certainly not for her, but have you talked to the school about educating the kids about what autism is and what it means to have it?
Maybe, just maybe, a little extra effort is needed by the school to help educate the so-called 'normal kids' and make them more understanding.

heather said...

dear lisa...i can't imagine what it's like to be walking in your footsteps. i do know for sure that ivy picked YOU as her mommy and she made a great choice!

btw, i notice you haven't blogged in a bit and i miss you. so i've tagged you to get you back to blogging. here are the details:

http://paisley-place.blogspot.com/2009/10/by-golly-ive-been-tagged.html