Gratitude List Number 1004

OK, so when you are uptight, pissed off, and tired it truly is THE BEST time to sit down and remember what you are grateful for in life. It works every time for me and always pulls me out of the nasty funk I am in at the moment. And since I am really, really uptight, pissed off and tired, this list in NECESSARY in order for me to continue further in this day. So here goes. Remember gratitude lists don't need to be profound every time you make once, just list what your are grateful for at that moment in time. :)

1) Sundays, so that I can regroup, catch up on sleep and laundry

2) my friends who are constant network of support

3) skor candy bars, I have eaten 2 this week!

4) the sun...if it ever shines again

5) school starting tomorrow, thank you God!

6) my children, how blessed I am to be their Mom

7) pottery barn catalogs, I got 4 new ones in the mail last week!!

8) flip flops, I own around 20 pairs, I can't live without mine :)

9) my jobs, without them I could pay for nothing and so many people don't even have one job, I am just grateful that I can work.

10) a good book and a hot cup of tea...where I can be somewhere else other than in MY life.

Randomness

I am so glad that God created humans to be able to love, create bonds and make friendships. Because I love my friends and without them I am pretty much alone, lol!

Something is in the air, I can feel it. I feel like this could be the start of a new chapter for me. I am taking some steps to move forward and it's not as scary as I thought it would be. My friends say go ahead and JUMP! Easier said than done, but I am trying.

I love summer and I am already sad that it's coming to an end. :*(

I wish I could be the person my dog thinks I am. :D

All work and no play, makes LISA a dull woman. Got any suggestions?

If they say that well behaved women never make history, then I should go down in the books.

My kids absolutely crack me up. When did they become such comedienne's?

I saw the New Moon trailer this week and I am seriously STOKED to see the movie in November. I think I might just have to read NM again before the movie comes out. That makes #6. I need a 12 step program to get off Twilight. Geesh.

COOL Back to School GIVEAWAY!

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Summer's Over, Let's Recap

Well, I tried out the "not blogging" thing and to be honest, I miss it. So apparently I still have something to say or I wouldn't be here right now making a new post. :)

So summer's over for me as I am back to work full-time at the school since Monday. My own kids do not return to school until August 24th this year so that did create a bit of a hassle for me this time around. Thank God for Ed's mom who volunteered to watch them for me until Thursday. I am not sure who is going to keep them beyond that. I'll figure it out when it gets here I guess.

So I figured now would be a great time for me to do some reflecting and recap my summer. I don't think I can complain any. Summer is my most favorite season out of the four and I had a pretty lazy summer until the past few weeks. The girls and I went spent two glorious weeks in California with Mommy in July and it was both relaxing and rejuvenating to be there. I can know without a doubt that when I go home to visit, I can kinda center myself and recharge my batteries. There is just something about that ocean air that keeps calling my name....

So aside from our trip, we have had plenty of opportunities to hang out by the pool and relax. My cousin Tracy and her family came from New York for a short visit and it was good to see my girls bonding and playing with her girls, I captured some great moments on film of the girls while they were here. I was grateful for the opportunity to share some time with my cousin as well.

My mom and Cal came to visit us too. Although their trip was cut really short after Cal injured his shoulder playing golf and thought he might need surgery to repair a torn rotator cuff. So they packed up and went back home a few short days after we got back from California.

I tried unsuccessfully to find a new job over the summer. I really prayed about it and asked God to provide me with the place He wanted me to be. I sent in TONS of resume's and didn't get any bites. Competition is really fierce these days I guess. In the end, I am here at the school where I've been for the last 3 years and I hooked a weekend waitress gig at Ian's Pub to pick up the slack. I guess for now, this is exactly where God wants me to be. So I give in, the white flag is flying.

Ed and I are in the same place we were back in March, separated but in no hurry to file for divorce. He is doing his thing and I am doing mine. We are getting along fine for the girls' sake and I think we are handling it well. I am lonely and feel kinda like I have a lot of nervous energy quite often, but all in all, I am doing fine. I am slowly learning to love myself again and that's a blessing in itself right there. I am a firm believer that if we don't love ourselves, then we can't possibly love someone else. So I continue to work on Lisa and life continues to be ok. I am going to be just fine.

I have been tinkering with the notion of returning to school. I think now would be an excellent time to do so and time is going to pass anyway, so it might as well pass while I am getting an education. Thing is I can't decide what I want to do. I really wanted to finish the path I started with the Nutritional Consultant thing, but I have been thinking more and more about getting my RN or a BS in Nutritional Science, then again I think I would enjoy radiology. Decisions, decisions....

So there you have it, a short recap of the past few months. I am sort of dreading Fall. I love Prep Football and of course my Colts, but there is not too much about the next several months that gets me too excited with the exception of Christmas. The thing that I am dreading is the Holidays for my kids. I am not sure I have what it takes to get through the Season. It seems so sad that we won't be spending it together as a family this year. I can't help but doubt my decisions at times like this. But I am a tough old gal and I think I will find a way to make it memorable for my girls in spite of our situation.

So looking forward to a new school year and a fresh new batch of Freshman and hoping that God has something really good in store for me coming up.

Wondering

I wonder if I were to quit blogging about autism, if I'd have anything to say? I wonder if I blogged about my sad, little, lonely life would anyone want to read that? Probably not. Although I love the people who can blog about being a mom, easy meal preparation, fancy photography, home decorating and thrifty shopping techniques....I just don't think that I am that kind of blogger. Afterall, I am not just any Lisa and not just any blogger and this is not just any blog, right?

What if I blogged about something entirely new and different? Is blogging still popular or is it losing it's edge? With the millions upon millions of blogs out there, is my blog even significant? Should I stop blogging altogether? Do I have anything interesting enough to share anymore?

These are all the questions that I think of whenever I click my saved link that leads me to my blog. Everytime I go to update it, I keep thinking that this blog has served it purpose and there is nothing left to give my followers. Maybe I have just outgrown it? Maybe there is just nothing left to say about autism that hasn't already been said by thousands of other people blogging about the exact same thing!
Unfortunately, autism is main stream now. It's everywhere you look. Some one has a sad story about the atrocities of autism and how it stole their loved one away from them. That's the bitch about this whole thing. It's just another day in paradise for those of us struggling with our 1 in 150 kids. That's a helluva lot of kids. So there are now a helluva lot of people out there with the same damn, tired old story that I have. Telling my story of autism is kinda like beating a dead horse.

SO...unless I can come up with some reason to keep this blog going, I think I am just going to give it up. I have chronicled our journey online for the past 5 yrs. Maybe it's time for me to step down off my soap box and hand the mike over to some other mom who has a child that has recently been diagnosed....let her tell you her story? I don't know...just sorta thinking out loud here. If you should happen to read this post, please leave a comment and gimme your thoughts!

Let's reflect for a minute

You know, when I'm stuck and not sure which way to go, I always like to reflect on the past to see exactly how far I have come and see if that helps push me a little further down the road. Reflecting on the past is to think, ponder, or meditate on life's events that lead up to the here and now. It keeps you grounded and humble and let's you see how life always has a way of working itself out for the best.

I was thinking yesterday about Ivy and how far she has come since being diagnosed at age three with autism. I remember that day clearly, like it was yesterday. The lady said to me, "well yeah Ivy is on the autism spectrum and there is no cure for autism and here is some paperwork about autism you might wanna read, any questions?" She plopped a whole pile of paperwork in my hands and I walked out the door just numb. I wasn't sure I was going to make it across the parking lot to my car without buckling under. I remember talking to God as soon as I got in my car and saying, "please show me what to do".

The very next morning, I got on Google and typed in the words "cure for autism"...the first thing that came up was info on THE GFCF Diet and how people were bringing their kids out of autism by doing this diet. I was hopeful that this was my answer. That morning I sat and read for hours about how I could help my daughter. It was the beginning to my road map to recovery. I knew I had to save her no matter the cost. I would stop at nothing to get her better. I would leave no stones unturned. I would try everything there was to try and start from scratch if need be. I only had a small window of opportunity to pull her out of it and I was in a race against time.

Reflecting back, I was truly a mad woman. I was obsessed and addicted to healing her. It cost me a lot in the end. I am completely broke and don't have a dime to my name, I lost friendships over it, lost family connections, and even my marriage didn't survive it. But would I change a thing about the journey? HELL NO! I would do exactly the same thing all over again if it meant saving my kid. I don't regret a single moment of the hell we've lived for the last five years. Because it was all worth it to see her beautiful face light up when you walk into the room and it's worth it when she masters something new each day. It's worth it when I see her forming friendships and maturing more each year. It's worth it when I see her excel in school and become one of the top students in her class. It's worth it when I see her playing with her sister without screaming and throwing a tantrum. It's all worth it.
So no regrets here, only gratitude today.

The Roller Coaster Ride

Somebody please stop this thing, because I want to get off right now. My life just keeps going up and down, back and forth, and in crazy, crazy circles. I feel like I am riding the roller coaster of life these days. One minute I am up and then I am down. I am really, really getting motion sickness I think. Time to check out and get off the ride before the whiplash does permanent damage to me.


I have been making some pretty poor decisions that are affecting me mentally and emotionally. I can't afford to take too many steps backwards here, so now is the time to stop and correct my course before I get too far off the track. Reel in and regroup. Sorry this post is so random and scattered. I am just feeling very unorganized and disheveled this morning and I needed to vent. I know that sometimes I think TOO MUCH, but this time I am pretty sure that I need to stop, look around and size up if what I am doing is healthy for me. If I am even questioning it, I will take that as an answer that indeed, I am screwing up and need to start over. Good thing the sun comes up again each and every day and that we can start it all over. I am in desperate need of a re-do right now. Keep me in your thoughts that I can focus on the big picture here and not get lost on my way. Namaste.